So, I'm not even alive by now (or am I? o.O) and this browser is probably waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out-dated. People are quite possibly speaking a completely different language by now. But I don't care, because this is my way of having a digital footprint in the future. Who knows? Maybe someone will stumble across this post with their newfangled technology and go. OMGALIENNNNNNSSSSS. Because they won't understand what I'm saying, or something. Anyways, have fun on this day of all sixes. I take satisfaction in knowing that even in the futureI shall have a way of wasting peoples time. ^_^
Wednesday
Sunday
Emotional Dump Rant
So today I realised something. I hate myself. More than anyone, or anything else on this planet. I don't want to be me anymore. I want to be someone better. Someone kind and honest and true to herself. Someone who doesn't run away from the things that she can't quite find an answer for. The current me? I'm only truly honest in my poetry. I'm too much of a coward to tell the truth about things that matter. I don't like the way I live my life, but I'm too scared to change it. Scared that, while I hate the current me, I might end up hating the changed me even more... Scared that the friends I have will forget about me. Will leave because I'm not the same. But really, most of all... I'm scared that the person I change myself into would be perfect. Would be someone so likeable and fun to be around, someone who's good at everything... Or at least good at seeming like she's good at everything... I'm so scared of that happening, and then forgetting why I became that way in the first place and going back to... This. A scared, slightly overweight, plain looking almost-adult. The person who couldn't even tell her best friend the truth about having depression and anxiety. The person who couldn't stand up for herself for years because she couldn't get past that one stupid thing that happened when she was eleven years of age. The person who let her past haunt her and drive her into some really... Stupid things.
So yeah, I hate myself because I'm a coward and not brave enough to go ahead and take the leap. But more than that, I hate myself because I hate the way I lead my life. I hate myself, because if I met "me" in person, I'd look at her and think she was pathetic.
So yeah, I hate myself because I'm a coward and not brave enough to go ahead and take the leap. But more than that, I hate myself because I hate the way I lead my life. I hate myself, because if I met "me" in person, I'd look at her and think she was pathetic.
Thursday
Rambles and thoughts and rambling thoughts.
So I've decided that I am going to attempt to write down five minutes of just straight thought into a blog post and hit publish without editing. At all. I am going to do this every day for as long as I can be bothered. Here goes...
For someone who hates pink I sure have alot of it in my room, lots of my dvd cases are pink. Why is everything "for girls" in pink? It's so annoying. Oh, that mouse is running around again. It's so adorable... Must... Resist... Urge... To stare... And capture... Ooh, Amy is home. She'll likely invade sometime soonish, that'll interrupt my five minutes. Drat. Oh well, I'll just post whatever I get down. Wow, I have so many empty ginger beer bottles lying around. I should really do something about that... I think I'll take my trash out tomorrow. How long have I been typing? Oh, only a minute. So many words in such a small amount of time, of course, they probably won't seem nearly enough once I hit post and read over all of this. Amy is talking to Clancy, poor thing, his foot is all bandaged up. Heh, and now that chicken is inside. That's an adorable chicken. IT had better not come into my room, the mouse would be in danger. Poor mouse... I wonder where he vanished to. Hmmm, msn is flashing... I'll check that in a minute when I run out of time. My mind blanked for a moment there... How strange. I think maybe I should sleep early tonight. Even though I've got the day off tomorrow... I didn't really get all that much sleep. Need to play catch up now. What time is it now, come to think of it.. Oh, my time is up. Drat. No wait... that doesn't count, I've got another minute of thought to go. Um... Blarglesnarfle.
For someone who hates pink I sure have alot of it in my room, lots of my dvd cases are pink. Why is everything "for girls" in pink? It's so annoying. Oh, that mouse is running around again. It's so adorable... Must... Resist... Urge... To stare... And capture... Ooh, Amy is home. She'll likely invade sometime soonish, that'll interrupt my five minutes. Drat. Oh well, I'll just post whatever I get down. Wow, I have so many empty ginger beer bottles lying around. I should really do something about that... I think I'll take my trash out tomorrow. How long have I been typing? Oh, only a minute. So many words in such a small amount of time, of course, they probably won't seem nearly enough once I hit post and read over all of this. Amy is talking to Clancy, poor thing, his foot is all bandaged up. Heh, and now that chicken is inside. That's an adorable chicken. IT had better not come into my room, the mouse would be in danger. Poor mouse... I wonder where he vanished to. Hmmm, msn is flashing... I'll check that in a minute when I run out of time. My mind blanked for a moment there... How strange. I think maybe I should sleep early tonight. Even though I've got the day off tomorrow... I didn't really get all that much sleep. Need to play catch up now. What time is it now, come to think of it.. Oh, my time is up. Drat. No wait... that doesn't count, I've got another minute of thought to go. Um... Blarglesnarfle.
~Elissa
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